Unicorns Aren't Just A Fantasy

When I was a little girl I was fascinated with Unicorns.  I collected Unicorns of all shapes and sizes in any kind of medium (clay, pewter, china, etc.).  My favorite was a glass Unicorn that was given to me by a person who didn't even realize how much I loved Unicorns.  About a year ago I felt like it was time to simplify my life and I cut my collection down to a precious few.

While I was cleaning our bedroom, I accidentally knocked over the case with my collection in it and all but one broke.  I knew then that it was time to stop living in the fantasy and threw those broken pieces in the trash.  At the time I didn't know that I was a real Unicorn myself.

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After almost three years and three miscarriages I've been diagnosed not only with abnormal Natural Killer Cells but with a Unicornuate Uterus, which is a congenital abnormality of the uterus.  There is a treatment for the Killer Cells, but not for the Unicornuate Uterus.

During fetal development (around 10 weeks) the Mullerian tubes (there are two) fuse together to create the uterus and they also form the fallopian tubes.  In my case one side did not develop creating a single horned uterus....hence the "Unicorn".   Basically, the right side formed and the left side didn't.  I have both of my ovaries, but I am missing the left fallopian tube and the left side of my uterus.  My uterus is only half the size of a normal uterus (which makes it hard to carry a child to term).  Also, because the kidneys are forming at the same time, many women who have this are missing one of their kidneys or they may even have deformed kidneys.  This is not the case for me.  I had an FL IVP done and I have both of my kidneys, which is good news.

Many women do become pregnant with this condition and do not even know they have this until they are faced with a breech birth.  Still others, have a hard time becoming pregnant, or have a hard time holding a pregnancy which sometimes results in multiple and mid term miscarriages.  For many women it is not until they seek infertility treatment that they end up finding out the truth.

There are so many risks associated with this condition.....I could have another miscarriage, I could go into preterm labor, I could be put on some form of bed rest for the duration, I could carry and give birth to a stillborn mid term, I could carry and my uterus could rupture......you get the picture.  Then again, the possibility exists that I could get that one sticky bean that will endure for the full term with little or no complications.  We just don't know......

Dr.P has recommended that we find a "gestational carrier". This means that we will be able to have our biological child since the eggs will come from me and the sperm will come from DH. It just means that I won't be the one to carry our child.  I will never know how it will feel to have a life kicking inside me.

I'm not sure yet where this journey will lead us as we have yet to make the big decisions.  This will be so much more expensive than just a 'simple' IVF procedure.  And there are so many laws that go along with this.  It is just so daunting!

Right now I'm doing my best to take each day as it comes.  I've joined an online support group for people with my condition and I'm hoping that there may be some helpful answers there.  I'm praying that the right answer will be just around the corner.  We've both been through so much!

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I started writing this post almost two weeks ago.  Since then I've "talked" to women who have UU like me via yahoo groups.  I've talked with my regular OBGYN in order to seek out his opinion.  I also took the time to email Dr. R who heads up the clinic where I'm currently seeking treatment.  I emailed her because I just couldn't imagine myself giving up the chance to carry my own child....especially when I have received hope from other UU women.  Her response to my email (less than 5 hours later) was to get us set up for a meeting less than 48 hours later (which she did not charge us for).  During the meeting she gave credence to our sliver of hope.  She insisted on sending us to a "pre-conception counseling appointment" with a local high risk OBGYN group.  She also encouraged us to seek the opinion of another doctor with another local group so that we can make a well informed decision as to what is right for us. 

We now have appointments set up (for the middle of the month) to meet with the high risk group and with the other doctor for the second opinion.  On one hand I'm trying to keep faith involved and stay positive.  On the other hand, I am trying to make sure that I'm not becoming overly optimistic because another let down might devastate me.

I don't know what this means for us, but I do know that whatever it does mean, it is worth the fight.



P.S.  To my friends who are finding out about this from this post instead of hearing it directly from me, please accept my sincerest apologies.  It is hard enough live with this on a daily basis.  To rehash this over and over again each time I tell another person makes it even more agonizing.  Right now this post is the best I can do.  I'm sure you all understand.....