Take my father in law. You never hear a kind word emanate from his lips. A smile never hits his face. I don't even think that he knows how to laugh. With his attitude, I'm not surprised that my mother in law divorced him 15+ years ago.
I really should preface this a little. My father in law has had Crone's Disease for many years. About 10 years ago he had surgery to remove part of his large intestine to help with the symptoms of this disease. Almost a year ago he had a pacemaker put in after he had a mild heart attack. (It was his second heart attack. He had his first over 30 years ago around age 40.) So, as you can see, my father in law is not in the best of health and his high anxiety levels don't help either. He is now going to have to have surgery (again) for his Crone's. Only this time they will have to fit him with a colostomy bag. Now, while it sounds gross, it will give him his life back and he will feel so much better. However these things are not an excuse to try to make everyone else miserable right along with him.
Now, he is attempting to bring his "Woe is me" onto DH and myself yet again. He is in a predicament that was self created and yet he tries to make it our problem.
About three years ago he moved from his condo into an "active adult retirement community". You know, one of those 55 and up places that don't allow kids. While this was a great idea for him, he did not consider the fact that this new condo community had rules. The rule affecting him the most was the one stating that all dogs living there must be under 30 pounds. While that is not a problem for someone like me, it is for my father in law. He feels like he has the right to break these rules with his dog Winston. (Winston is a 50 pound "Miniature English Bulldog".)
Long story endless, the condo association has sued my father in law. He went to court and the judge basically put in back in the hands of the condo association. My father in law now has a petition that has been signed by over 75% of the homeowners that states that they would support a decision to let Winston stay.
While the association is making its decision, he wants us to take the dog because he could be fined if the dog is still there after August 24th. While Winston is cute, he is not neutered and he doesn't behave. Our dog hates being around him and constantly snaps at Winston if he comes near. Winston also won't listen to me at all and only sometimes listens to DH. He is just a big bully of a dog and we can't keep him.
If the condo association doesn't let Winston stay, I don't think that this will end well at all. I know that he will want us to keep Winston, but I won't agree to that. (I know that there are many "rescues" for these dogs, but I haven't looked into them yet. I feel that this is something my father in law should do for Winston if he can't keep him.) I'm sure that if my father in law has to give up the dog he will blame me for not allowing the dog to stay with us. I guess if I comes down to it than I will just have to live with the blame.
Sigh........I really wish August would end and that September will bring some positive news for a change.......I'm sick and tired of all the drama!
12 comments:
I would say it's time to look into rescues for the dog. Print the list and turn it over to him. I don't want to sound cruel, but he did know the rule going in didn't he?
Reading this post reminds me of a few people in my family. Most of the reminders came from my ex-husbands family though...which explains the EX.
I agree with Joy...did he know the rules when he moved in? He's old enough to know better.
He should be considerate of your feelings and family. I don't appreciate when family takes advantage of other family. He had to have known about the dog rules when he moved into the condo. I'm a property accountant and I work with a lot of condos and HOA's. The dog rules would be in the condo documents that every new owner receives upon moving in. He most likely won't win no matter what he does. I think you should look into the rescue programs. If you can't take care of his dog, then don't feel guilty about that. Put your foot down and leave it at that. He will just have to deal with that.
Good Luck :)
Jen
Doesn't hubby have siblings? Maybe they can help. I normally would say take the pup in. But I know you have had him on different occasions and it doesn't go while. Does fil have friends maybe they could help? Other wise I think you are right about the blame. I'm sorry august has struck yet again. Only 15 more days. Call if you want to talk, hug or drink.
Winston sounds horrible and am puzzled as to why the condo peeps would have signed a petition to keep him? Rules are rules. Do NOT feel guilty that you should have the dog, Jennifer, rescue programmes sound a good idea.
HI Jennifer ... atm I am looking after a rescue dog and I shall say this only once .. do not keep him if he doesn't get on with your dog and he doesn't obey you ... it is not worth it at all ... .. it will cause even more stress than you need ....please don't give in and say you will take him ... look for a rescue centre or one that will house him until decisions have been made .... love mouse xxxxx
The stress isn't worth it, especially if your husband agrees with you - it's not fair to your dog either. Not to mention if the condo board rules against him, it is no longer a temporary home for Winston, as you stated, he would probably want you to have him as a forever dog.
Good luck with the situation and his surgery. And hang in there...August is almost done (sigh - that's when I go back to work from my back surgery disability) and while I am glad to go back and thankful to still have a job, now that I am feeling better, I am getting fun things done (along with neglected items while not feeling well)...
Hope the rest of your week goes well - how is the hubby's new job going?
Seems like you have already had a fair bit of good and sound advice. So, I've nothing to add, but am sending lots and lots of hugs!
so sorry you have to go through this Jen. just sucks. But i would definitely look into a rescue site for his breed. We have 3 springer spaniels, one is mama and the other 2 girls are her pups. We sold the other two pups and one came back to us a year later (at least they brought him back to us) but we couldn't keep him with having 3 and got him to a foster home for springers (which was the "stud's" owner that we used) so we felt very safe in that and he is now happy in Colorado. Unfortunately he is totally blind, we believe there was trauma to him at the home he went too. very very sad as it was a friend of a friend. grrrr
I love the Crone's/Crohn's typo. It does sound like he has "Crone's disease" too!
I'm behind you a hundred percent. First, he shouldn't have broken the rules. Second, if the dog doesn't behave for you, you shouldn't have to take it. Third, your dog was there first, and it's HIS home too. Case closed.
Jennifer,
I'm just catching up on blogs. I know exactly the consequences of certain men who do not believe in their consequences to fibbing and believe they are always right. It's negative energy and will sap the energy out of you quickly.
I LOVE animals. I am kinda in a delima with 2 of my own right now made like this because of a similar man who thinks not telling the truth is ok.
Finding an adoption if possible is probably the best bet if Winston can't stay in the condo because like many others above have said, it will make your life controlled by others basically. I know so much how hard it is to be around people that don't know boundaries but sounds like he has stepped over the boundary when expecting to dump on you.
I'm also ready for August to be over, Sept too.
Another problem is that puts you and your hubbie in an awkward way and I'm just rambling......sorry.....I just can relate to this too much and it is so energy draining for the people involved with paying the consequences for another's lack of truth.
Take care,
Jennifer
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