Another Tough Goodbye

It is with a very sad and heavy heart that I come to my blog today.  It wasn't supposed to be this way....

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There was a reason that I haven't been blogging lately.  I have been so tired and worn out since my trip to Myrtle Beach for the PALS Retreat.  It was on that trip that I found out that I was pregnant again.  We were so very excited to finally get that positive pregnancy test, especially after a whole year of trying to conceive since the blighted ovium in October 2010.  I was just so tired by the end of the day and I didn't have the energy to blog, much less stitch.

We dubbed the little one "Aunt Millie's Miracle".  If you remember from a previous post, I got to see my Aunt two days before she passed away.  While I was there, we talked of the pregnancy struggles.  This sick and dying woman put her pain aside and told me that she was going to pray for "a big miracle".  Lo and behold, one month to the day of her passing we got our positive pregnancy test.

I had several appointments with my doctor and things were looking good.  On my confirmation appointment at 6 weeks the doctor did a vaginal ultrasound and my mom and I got to see the little bean with the beating heart.  It was the most amazing thing that I have ever seen in my life!  A little over a week and a half later we went back for the next routine appointment and this time Hubby got to see the miracle of our little one.

At Thanksgiving we told our Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and Grandparents. (Our parents already knew.)  We thought it would be okay to share the surprise with the close family and then we would let everyone else know at Christmas.

It seemed that everything was going well.  That is until a few days early last week.  I felt fine, but I was having a few minor cramps that I just chalked up to uterine stretching.  Then I noticed that my nausea seemed to be going away.  I tried not to think anything of it and I tried to chalk it up to the fact that I was headed towards the end of the first trimester.  After all, that is when the nausea is supposed to subside.

On Thursday we went for the next routine ultrasound.  Instead of being 10 weeks and 1 day, the little one was measuring 9 weeks 3 days.  Best guess by the doctor is that our little one had passed five days earlier.  The doctor scheduled a follow up ultrasound followed by a D&C.

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Today we said goodbye to our little one.

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Needless to say I am an angry, upset mess.  THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!  Everything was falling into place.  I should be here telling you about the new little bundle of joy who will be arriving June 27, 2012 instead of telling you about our bundle's passing.  Hopefully our doctor will be able to get some tangible results and may even be able to tell us what or why this happened this time.

I know that God won't give me more than I can handle, but I didn't think I would to have to handle this again.

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So, understandably, I will be taking a break from blogging for awhile, but I will still be following the Traveling Pattern progress.  While I'm away I hope to pour my grief into another sampler to honor our little bean.